Reddit users went on to confess the worst ‘crimes’ their kitties have done. And, they did not disappoint. All of these confessions are guaranteed to make you laugh. Some will have you on the floor laughing. We’re starting to think that cats are completely genius. They come off as sweet and innocent, but they know exactly what they’re doing. And, they’re so slick about it! All in all, cats are superb entertainment!
“Killed a lizard in the middle of the night and gently placed it on my face as I slept.” – reddit user
“My cat eats my clothes. Any clothes. Shirts, underwear, bras, hoodies. And he brings them to his food bowl first, dumps my clothes in there, and eats the cloth WITH his food.” – reddit user bexhexyea
“KitKat… jumped into the freshly dug hole during a funeral ceremony at the nearby cemetery.” – reddit user Yourepurrrfect
“My big, sweet, very indoors-cat Maine Coon mistook lilypads for a solid surface on a pond once… It’s still one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. I had to get in the pond and drag his butt out because he apparently couldn’t swim. Just quietly meowing and flailing.” – reddit user susiecool
“Pissed in my toaster and almost started an electrical fire.” – reddit user Mr_Twigs
“We went out to enjoy a thunderstorm on our balcony with some wine and about two minutes later, he jumped up and pawed at the handle of our sliding glass door, managing to drop the switch into lock position. Then continued to meow out his demands.” – reddit user lessthanpi
“My mums cat once took out an entire nest of baby birds. She spent the evening bringing in each one and displaying it proudly on the dining room floor.” – reddit user DisneyBounder
“Puked on my Camaro.” – reddit user CappnKrunk
“Climbed on top of my headboard and made eye contact with me during sex.” – reddit user Shigglypuff
“My cat ate through a window screen to let the other cats out. WTF.” – reddit user SeaStar96
“When I first adopted him, he had a raging case of giardia. Every poop that adorable fuzz ball took cleared out the room like an A bomb. It was the worst smell out of the cutest thing in the world. Each of those s**ts was the worst thing he has ever done.” – reddit user LittleMrsMolly
“Not my cat, but an ex’s. Sprayed on a power strip. Walked by the room and it was filled with smoke. For the next 6 hours the entire house smelled like burnt cat spray. And in case any of you are wondering what that smells like…just don’t.” – reddit user pass_the_noods
“Ate a dead mouse on my chest while I was asleep. I woke up to her half way through her meal.” – reddit user Bobozmbiecan
“My kitten climbed onto the wine rack, knocked the entire thing over breaking various bottles including a $75 bottle of Malbec.” – reddit user bean-juice
“My cat took a fresh piece of its poop out of the litter box and played soccer with it resulting in poo streaks all over the floor.” – reddit user Wowdudebummer
“Put footprints on a cake it took me 3 hours to make.” – reddit user ViciousPuddin
“Only ever throws up in areas of the hallway she KNOWS are dark, so I will step in her vomit.” – reddit user kittenavalanche
“My cat only ever wants to eat people food. If you leave anything unattended, he’ll eat it. If you have a plate in your lap and you’re not actively guarding it, he’ll try to sneakily drag the food away. If you’re eating, he will swipe at your fork/spoon as it travels to your mouth.” – reddit user Naked_Meow
“We came home to a trail of feathers leading from the dog door to my parents bedroom. There’s one wing of a dove in the doorway. One foot in the bathroom doorway. The HEAD on the bathroom rug. And… the heart/liver/something on the rug beside my mom’s side of the bed.” – reddit user lucythelumberjack
“He also chased a big rat into our living room, where my father and I had to play what he called ‘rat hockey’ to get the thing out of our house.” – reddit user kcattack
“Dragged and ate out of the garbage the absorbent pad out of a meat package and then proceeded to throw it up. It was completely whole when he threw it up; don’t know how he ate it.” – reddit user amafternoon
“Ate the corner of a brand new library book. Nothing wrong with him. I checked the book out a few weeks ago (so ~4 years have passed), the little bastard started trying to eat it again. No, he doesn’t do anything besides rub all over any other book.” – reddit user PiDayCat
“She begged me to clean the litter, which wasn’t dirty, but I made a show of it anyway. Then walked over to the corner, looked me right in the eye, and took a s**t on the carpet. It was then that I knew the true meaning of ‘assert dominance.'” – reddit user Yabba_Dabba_Doofus
“He fell out of a window… We found him downstairs on the pavement with a broken leg. Eventually we wanted to get him surgery so we held a ‘Save the Pussy Party’ at home to get donations for his $1200 surgery… First thing he did after being able to walk again was going to my bedroom to have a piss in my bed.” – reddit user goldtubb
“Hid his s**t in the tree skirt under the Christmas tree.” – reddit user waghag
“Dragged my favorite white shirt into his litter box, pissed on it, and then buried it with s**tty litter.” – reddit user Ihadtoweighin
“Puked under my computer chair… Do you know how hard it is to clean the wheels on an office chair? I know.” – reddit user Lckmn
“Pooped on my pillow.” – reddit user Mimsy-Porpington
“Pooped in my wife’s shoes.” – reddit user MTOMalley
Hmmm….are cats ever on good behavior?! Share with friends!